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| Uh, Never Write Internet Articles Under the Influence |
Since the time we were little children, we have been scared by monsters. They are everywhere. Television. Video games. Movies. Even the fairy tale books were filled them, Ogres and Dragons.
But now that I am grown, I think the scariest monster of all is one I call Frankenstupid. DON'T LAUGH! You see, Frankenstupid is different. He doesn't eat people or tear up towns. Not directly. There is nothing about him that would cause you to run, because Frankenstupid doesn't do anything. That's the problem.
No, Frankenstupid is just a monster who doesn't GET IT! FACTS bounce of him. Truth just goes in ONE EAR and OUT THE OTHER. He just kind of stands there, DUMB AND GREEN, and doesn't do a single thing. Frankenstupid doesn't even SUSPECT anything. Even though we have been lied to like dogs by most of our Presidents. (See my first Internet Article here at this blog. A U.S. President Would Never Lie, Would He?, where I prove beyond a doubt you have to be a real "Gull E. Bull" not to suspect Obama!)
Soooo, the really bad people get away with everything. They lie to us and cheat us and when we try to raise the alarm, like ONE IF BY LAND!, it just bounces off Frankenstupid. He just stands there and waves his hands up and down like he doesn't understand. He really doesn't.
So while brave people like Dr. Taitz, or Mario Apuzzo try to warn us about the USURPING KENYAN in the White House, we had better be ready to meet the really scary ones. Not the OBOTS. The Frankenstupids who act like nothing is wrong.
Squeeky
Girl Reporter
Posts
Dear Squeeky,
ReplyDeleteI'm happy to have discovered that you have a blog. I've read your postings on the OC Weekly website and found your jejune comments terribly amusing. Admittedly, I am divided on the question of whether you are truly ingenuous, or simply a humorous provocateur. Regardless, I have a mad crush on you! Oh, I know the story morning-glory: you're a misandronist, a ball-breaker, a man-hater. But I think your hatred obscures a passionate desire to love and be loved by a testosterone-laden man-beast like me.
No. I have cats. They are loyal and true. Grunty little malebeasts just come and go all the time. But I have just read this Frankenstupid again. It is not as good this morning as it seemed last night. No more writing posts when I am drinking. Plus my head really hurts.
ReplyDeleteSqueeky
Girl Reporter
Oh that I might place, gently, a cool cloth upon the fervid brow of my beloved.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, I am very pleased to learn you drink, for all women should have a pastime and too often they choose religion.
I imagine that before passing out (from what, Tequila and Lone Star?), your checks blushed radiantly, your eyes sparkled, and your mouth curved into a sloppy, animated grin.
I mostly drink rum and coke when I am home. Margeritas mostly when I go out. But I don't just drink all day long or anything. Jack Daniels and coke is good too, but I don't drink it very often. And I don't pass out. Us Texas girls can hold our liquor.
ReplyDeleteSqueeky
Girl Reporter